Biblical Q & A: Honor Thy Parents: Why So Many Choose to Forget this?
Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother...”
Honor your parents
I have always been intrigued by what God included in His Ten Commandments.
Think about it: if you were the creator of the universe and were only going to write ten commands that covered your most critical rules and regulations, what would they be?
For sure, many make complete sense. “I am God; you should have no other gods.” Okay, I get that. Adore me, not false images, and don’t take my name in vain. It’s disappointing that that even happens, but I get that, especially in light of how so many talk and the desire to adore false idols—beyond mere statues like money, power, and success. Keeping the Sabbath holy was the placeholder for all of the Old Testament worship systems and is still a worthy goal. And then, don’t kill, commit adultery, steal, lie, or be envious. I get that too—all everyday temptations and pretty comprehensive if you think about them.
But what does seem out of place is the fifth, “Honor, your father, and your mother.” Why is that there?
You may never truly comprehend that…until you get older.
Retirement by the numbers
Of course, young children need to obey their parents, but what about adult children—that’s where things get dicey. Some of the issues that seem to go hand in hand with old age are failing health and poverty. Both should be concerns that children assist with—but too many don’t.
Medicare does an admirable job of providing health benefits for retirees, much more than many envision. Medicare, however, can often have unexpected co-payments. Imagine barely surviving on your Social Security income and paying $350 for every service you need outside your Primary Care Physician. “Oh, you want the cataract surgery on both eyes?” That’s $350 per eye. A telehealth conference with the neurologist is another $350. Many needed services are often skipped during these times because finances are simply unavailable.
Concerning poverty, the reality is that one’s ability to earn is severely compromised at retirement. In truth, no one really wants to hire someone over 65. Why? Perceived limitations related to adaptability to new technology, potential health concerns, a belief that they might be less willing to work long hours, a stereotype that they may be less open to learning new skills, and the real issue of existing managers who are much younger. Even though these assumptions are not always accurate and can even be considered age discrimination, they persist.
There’s more than simple unemployability due to age. There is often the issue of caretaking, where one spouse is providing 24/7 support for the other spouse. No one mentions that when you’re dating at 18. But, this severely precludes the ability to do almost anything outside the home regarding income generation. Even in-home options are severely limited by the interruptions of attentive care. Although this care is a blessing for the ailing spouse, it is not without detrimental financial effects.
It would be nice if everyone retired with multi-million dollar portfolios, but that rarely happens. The Federal Reserve Survey of Consumer Finances estimates that only 3.2% of retirees have $1 million or more in their retirement accounts. In fact, the average retirement account balance for individuals aged 65 or older in 2022 was only $232,710. According to recent data, a couple’s average Social Security check is around $2,739 monthly or roughly $32,868 annually. For many, this is all they have to live on. Of this amount, the most common split is approximately 60/40, $1,639 for the husband and $1,100 for the wife.
But wait, the fun is just beginning.
When one of the spouses dies, the surviving spouse only gets to keep the larger of the two payments, on average, $1,639 or $19,668 annually. It’s no wonder that 12 -15 % of men who survive the death of their wives die within a year, and those who do survive live only another 3-8 years. Wives fare better, with about 6 - 8% of women who survive the death of their husbands dying within a year and those who survive living another 14 years after their husband’s death. Unfortunately, it is doubtful that expenses have decreased by anywhere near the same 40% as did the income stream, and the reality is that survival is often nothing more than an extended life of poverty.
How to turn sin into a virtue
The failure of children to honor their parents is not a recent phenomenon. There is an interesting verse is Mark 7:11-13, which states, “But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)— then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down.” Imagine avoiding your parental responsibilities by instead claiming a contribution to God—Corban.
In reality, the Pharisees were known to announce their charitable giving for its immediate public glorification. This is shown in Matthew 6:2, which states, “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.”
Actually, “Corban” wasn’t an additional contribution to God; it was the same contribution wrapped up in an effort to turn sin into a perceived virtue.
What the Bible says about parental support
Today’s “Corban” equivalent might be:
Claiming parents deserve their fate.
Claiming they are only responsible for their immediate family.
Claiming career or family demands as an excuse to avoid caring for aging parents.
The Scripture, however, teaches that honoring parents is unequivocal:
“Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father” (Leviticus 19:3)
“Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old” (Proverbs 23:22)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…” (Ephesians 6:1)
The results for failure to obey are equally clear:
“Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother” (Deuteronomy 27:16).
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
“He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach” (Proverbs 19:26).
Yet today, we increasingly witness what Solomon observed about poverty: “All a poor man’s brothers hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him! He pursues them with words, but does not have them” (Proverbs 19:7).
It only gets worse. Consider the situation whereby siblings even discuss and agree on not providing for their parents as Proverbs 6:16-19 illustrates, where God declares, “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” To conspire with siblings against caring for aging parents isn’t just disobedience—it’s an abomination to the Lord Himself. What bitter irony to revel in agreement with the sin of parental abandonment.
Conclusion.
The numbers paint a stark picture: only 3.2% of retirees have sufficient retirement portfolios. Most elderly couples survive on roughly $32,868 yearly in Social Security benefits. When one spouse dies, the survivor faces a cruel 40% income reduction—all while expenses remain essentially unchanged. Medicare’s co-payments of $350 per medical service force heartbreaking choices between basic needs and health care.
This isn’t just about statistics. It’s about human dignity. It’s about parents who sacrificed their prime earning years raising children, only to face poverty in their twilight years—often while their children prosper.
“Honor your father and your mother” wasn’t a suggestion—it was important enough to make God’s top ten list of commands. Its placement not only shows its gravity but is the connecting link between how we are to love God and how we are to love others. Unlike the modern world’s dismissal of aging parents as inconvenient burdens, God goes further and attaches His only promise to this commandment: “that your days may be long in the land.”
Perhaps now we understand. A society that abandons its elderly parents sows the seeds of its own destruction. When we rationalize our way out of caring for parents, whether through false piety like the Pharisees’ “Corban” or modern excuses about career and family demands, we tear at the very fabric of human society.
The choice before us isn’t just individual; it’s generational. How we treat our parents today teaches our children how to treat us tomorrow. Every time someone writes a check for their own comfort while their parents struggle to afford even basic medical care, every time they rationalize why they can’t help, they’re writing the script for their future.
Ultimately, it comes down to this: Will the elderly be like the many who face retirement with insufficient resources, watching their children walk by on the other side of the street? Or will they be among the few whose children honor God’s command, regardless of the cost?
The answer to that question will echo through generations.
“Choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15).
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Thad
Thanks. Great message.
We are blessed to have my husband's dad and my parents financially well off, but we still have the responsibility to spend our time helping them as they decline physically and mentally.